I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
