you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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