Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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