How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
