How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
