you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
