There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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