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so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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