Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
