Umm I'm too high to move.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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