she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize