omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
