Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
