Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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