Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My penis needs a shock collar
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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