That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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