Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
