I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need water and some morals
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize