No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize