i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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