I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
