i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
