I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
