awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
