The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
