Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh god it's open bar.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
