So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
