We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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