i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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