and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
