How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize