Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize