WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is it penis luge time yet?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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