Pants 0. Shit 1.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
