You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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