Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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