I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
