i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
