I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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