Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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