i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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