youre lurking in front of me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's always time for handjobs
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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