way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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