make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
