It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize