worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
