Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
