I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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