I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
