Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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