You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
