apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
