There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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