final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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