I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
