He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
