I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
