"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
PANTIES FOUND
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