she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
