Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
