I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
