I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
