i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
