Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
