glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
