Do you still have your period?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
