i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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