After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
