Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
