So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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