I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
