Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Vodka?
Forever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
