Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
