Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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