The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
