only if we run a train.
done.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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