That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
