Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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