All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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