It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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