I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
