they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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