I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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