Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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